The kids are in bed and I sit down on the couch and think finally, I get to relax. My next thought almost instantly after this one is really? You literally did nothing all day… but ok.
I feel like I am at a war with myself. I have these days where I feel so tired and exhausted by the end of them, but once it is over I don’t know why. What did I do? Nothing. That’s how I feel anyway. I have nothing to show for what I accomplished. This is part of becoming a stay at home mom I suppose. I don’t ‘get off of work’ and have a story to tell for what I accomplished ‘on the job.’ I am always ‘on the job.’ Literally. There are no breaks, no clocking out, no sick days, no quitting.
I have recently heard from multiple people how hard it looks to have three kids. “You never get a break!” they say. “You never stop, it is always go go go. Someone always needs you.” That is where the war is in my head. Because it is true. Between the older girls needing me all throughout the day, and the one-year-old terrorizing pretty much everything, sure, it’s always go go go. But it still feels like doing nothing. All I am doing is answering the calls of my children, and refereeing the multitudes of fights that break out throughout the day.
Not all days are like this, though. I do have some days where by the end of it I feel like I accomplished so much. It seems that those days are less often.
I believe I am still in the phase of learning my new role. It feels different from having a career where I was successful.
What I am realizing, is that I need to constantly remind myself of what it is I am doing. Being a stay at home mom is not an easy job. It IS exhausting to chase after three kids, who each have needs of their own, all.day.long. I am EXHAUSTED. It is okay to feel EXHAUSTED at the end of the day. It is okay to feel like you need to sit down and relax once the kids are finally in bed. I am talking to YOU too. I don’t care if you have one kid or seven. (Especially if you have seven though!) I understand the guilt. I feel bad when I tell my husband how exhausted I am when he gets home from a full day of work. I feel so guilty. But when you sit down and really think about what you do ALL DANG DAY as a stay at home parent… it is NOT easy. It IS exhausting. It is a blessed job, it is a beautiful job, sometimes it’s an ugly job, and it is a hard job.
Don’t feel bad for being exhausted. Don’t feel guilty for needing a break, or needing some rest. You worked hard all day keeping your kids cared for. You earned the break. Take it. [I am telling this to myself, too.]
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.