First of all, I need you to know… that is a lie. You are not stuck. There could be any number of reasons you feel stuck. You are in love. You couldn’t imagine life without him. You are too afraid to start over. There is no way you could find someone else, and maybe he has made sure you know that too. The list goes on and on.
But it is a lie.
Yes you may be in love, but a narcissistic abuser is not going to be able to love you in the way that you need or deserve. And regardless of what he has led you to feel or believe, it isn’t your fault. It isn’t because you aren’t enough. It isn’t because there is something wrong with you.
No, there is something wrong with him. He is more than likely broken, and needs help. But it is not help that you can offer him. The only help you can offer him, is to leave. To see that you deserve better, and to walk away.
Have you heard that we accept the love that we think we deserve? It really is true. My advice for you, as someone who was stuck in this cycle for 8 years, is to leave the abuse and focus on yourself. Chances are right now, whether you realize it or not, your identity and self-worth are being found in the abuser that you love. When he leaves you feeling unlovable, worthless, not good enough, like he could dump you at any given moment and it wouldn’t affect him one bit, you take that on as your identity. As who you are. That is what you need to break free from.
The way in which he is treating you has nothing to do with you. It has to do with him being a narcissistic abuser who only cares for himself.
Yes, I know how charming he probably is. And how sweet he can appear. And how he once made you feel like no one on this earth compares to you… like you were a prized possession he wasn’t worthy of. But then what happened? He doesn’t treat you that way anymore, does he? He doesn’t need to, he already has you hooked. He already has you convinced that YOU are the obsessed one, YOU are the crazy one, YOU are the one who is at fault for every little thing.
Run. Run and never look back.
Because you deserve so much more. I’m not saying it is going to be easy, because it is far from that. Once you leave, he will try to convince you to come back, he will tell you that he has changed, that you were right all along. He will become that sweet and charming guy that he once was, and he will treat you like a treasure.
Until you give in and go back. Then you are in this cycle again. This game. Where you are being played like a pawn. Until you are left lifeless, with a broken heart and a shattered soul, while the abuser moves on to his next victim.
Break the cycle.
You can do it. I believe in you. I was you, and I see you. If I can get through it, believe me, you can also.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.