Diving In

Have you ever woken up and thought: This is the day. This is the day I am going to get my crap together, start our day with a devotional, clean my house, do the perfect amount of schoolwork balanced with the perfect amount of play, not raise my voice at my kids at all, stay completely away from my mobile device, AND have a nice, homemade dinner for my husband when he is off from work?

Yeah, me too….and then that same day when I am crawling in to bed I think to myself: I’m pretty sure I meant tomorrow… not today… Because so many of my days seem to be more about surviving than thriving.

There are so many details to the story that is my life, that maybe one day will be written about. But for the sake of not writing a book for my first blog post I will give you just the basics: I have been married since 2014, I have three amazing daughters, I am homeschooling the oldest (she is 7), and I work full-time as an Operations Coach at a distribution warehouse. So needless to say… I am a busy individual.

When I was 4 or 5 months pregnant with my youngest (who is now 6 months old) I made the decision to not enroll my oldest into first grade, and home-school her. This was something that had been on my mind and heart for months prior. I had the hardest time committing and really making that decision, but I felt like it was the right thing for us to do. I’ll dive in to all of that on a separate blog post…. or three.

I knew this wasn’t going to be an easy decision. Especially because not only was I 5 months pregnant with baby girl #3, we were also in the middle of buying our first house and for the start of the school year we would be living with my in-laws. But I went for it.

On top of all these things going on, I also was fearing being diagnosed with postpartum depression again. When my middle child was 7 months old, I was diagnosed with it and I took it pretty hard. I got through it and learned a lot because of it and am thankful for the experience. I would have thought that because of that experience I would be more prepared to be diagnosed with it again after baby number 3, but instead I decided to refuse to get it. Only… that isn’t always an option, it doesn’t always work that way. So here I am again, 3 months after accepting that I do in fact have postpartum depression. It has made the daily tasks of life a little harder, yes, but it leaves me at a fork in the road. Do I accept the feelings of defeat and failure at the end of the day because I, in fact, did NOT make my husband dinner, nor did I finish all…or any… of the laundry, the list goes on and on. Or do I change my mindset to… HEY, the kids are alive. That has to count for something. HEY, the kids are going to bed knowing they are loved… what about that? Yeah, the house is a disaster and I am insanely sleep deprived, and I will be up nursing my boob-obsessed 6 month old in a couple of hours but hey, my kids are going to bed happy (for the most part, because every once in a while there is definitely the crying kid at bed time.)

So welcome to my journey. My journey with my amazing husband, my three amazing girls, and the adventure of navigating life as a full-time employed, homeschooling, postpartum depressed mom who just wants to do and be the best she can every day.

Oh… and today still hasn’t come…

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

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21 thoughts on “Diving In”

  1. What a beautiful family! It’s wonderful you’re homeschooling. And, when I look back on the early years of my motherhood, the messy house and sleep deprived days fade way into the background and what’s up front are the memories of playing with my littles, and our family time together.

  2. You have such a beautiful family!! I know they are so thankful for you keeping it all together! There are days when you probably feel you just can not take another thing added… but you are so strong and doing such a great job!!!

  3. First of all, congrats on the gorgeous family! Second, don’t be so hard on yourself. My boys are ages 3 and almost-5 and it’s not easy. There are days I get my entire to-do list done and others that I wonder what we even did all day. Take the good with the bad. You have a lot going on. Just breathe, you’ve got this.

  4. I LOVE this and can totally relate. I’ve been homeschooling for a few years now and feeling like I’ve just been failing miserably. We recently made the decision to enroll our girls into the local Christian school and even though I know it’s the right choice for our family, I felt like I had failed my girls in this area. But isn’t God so quick to comfort us? I love that verse so much and am thankful that I don’t have to lean on my very limited understanding. God is so good. Im excited to follow your journey sweet mama. You’re not alone. xo. Isaiah 40:31

    1. This is such an encouraging comment!!! You did not fail, lady!!! You are doing a wonderful job, and the fact that you care so much shows that. I think that being able to send them to a Christian school is awesome. Homeschooling is so hard. Thank God for his mercy and grace

  5. I never struggled with postpartum depression but I have seen many of my friends go through it. I love that you are still trying to be a great mom and wife even while you are struggling!

  6. I think with anything you have to go with your gut and do what’s best for your family. I wish you recovery from the depression and lots of love when homeschooling.

  7. I’m pleased to be offered your welcome! It’s interesting to read about your journey. You’ve made a right decision!

  8. Definitely good luck to you on this day and every day. And may you and your family be truly be blessed. I know how difficult depression after pregnancy can be. And it can be hard. But it seems like you have the right mindset.

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